Stupid console players plead their "innocence" on the official Xbox forums. Hilarity ensues.

[Mario]

Recently, Microsoft issued another wave of wide ranging bans to Xbox Live users found to have cheated or modded their hardware or used "inappropriate" gamer tags - or whatever the fuck else. After reading a large number of these people's posts on the official forums, I decided I just had to immortalize some of their posts.
They are: sad, pathetic, childish, moronic, hilarious and just plain stupid.

Originally Posted by DishierSteam6

we received the email and we have read the email regarding the gamertag "Go Dakota Go Go" and he was permanitly suspended he has never been suspended at all, he has endured many times people making fun and calling him names because of his Speech Disability. he has made complaints about these people, paging riley, and waffles are 2 of the biggest people that he has had problems with. He has never even had a suspension, and now a permanent suspension? Really? My son has a SPEECH DISABILITY that he has had and will have all his life, people do not understand him well, i have heard many people say to him on x box live that they will have him suspended for his speech, We got x box for our son so he could try to make friends without judging him because of his Disability. we have reported several people as you can look up the report and see what people has been making fun of him. and saying that they were going to have him banned. thanks for your time. (Link)

Originally Posted by TDA x Cursed

can anyone help me here... i got banned on my account "tebag101" and i cant seem to figure out why it is suspended forever. it is my first ban... please help me out with this... if there is anything that i can do to get my account unban. i will pay money to get my account unban. just please help me.... i have played to mutch on that account to just lose everthing like that.... i cant even have a my downloaded games/content that "i" bought with "MY" money. (Link)

Originally Posted by AuctionedHippo1

Hello my name is Diego Martell and i was suspended from my other account named Shinypotatoes until 31/12/9999. I don't know why but it just got suspended all of a sudden. This happened to a friend of mine before he was playing a game and was doing really good like 30/0 and then all of a sudden he got banned luckily for him he didn't buy anything on his account except Gold memberships. Unfortunately in my case i actually bought about $1,000 dollars worth of things for my account. I was just playing ground war on Call of Duty WaW and my KD was something like 25/1 or something like that and i'll admit my tactics weren't very fair aka camping and dropshotting, but thats the worst i have ever done! Please if you could unbann my profile i have never use a modd or hack or whatever else there is in my life if you don't believe me i can give you my account information and check my gamerscore. It's all legit and if that isn't enough then i can send in my console so you can exam it or whatever and you will see that i didn't modd it or whatever. I'm very upset because i spent all that money and time on that account and going to be going into the Marines soon and I am trying to enjoy my last days of xbox live, but can't because i'm banned. Actually now that i think of the worst i have ever done was that i joined a nazi zombies game and this guy had modded it. I don't know how, but he spawned weapons and made us jump really high and other stuff. If this is the reason why I am banned then I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. I love xbox i wouldn't have any other console in the world! Please i promise to never do any modds or whatever ever again. I will even resort to signing a contract where you can monitor my activities with my account or whatever, and you can sue me if i violate the rules. The only reasons I have gotten complaints filed was because people said i was hacking the game! This is probably because of 2 reasons. 1st reason is probably because i have really bad internet at the moment and lag and disconnect very frequently. And the 2nd reason is probably (not meaning to brag) because i'm pretty good at games. I usually keep my profile on a usb flash drive because i take it over to my friends house and use his internet. Well that's all I have to say. If you could please unbann my profile. Give me a second chance. I promise i will never do this again and also will report anyone that is or could be modding.
Sincerely,
Diego Martell a loyal customer for 2 1/2 years and hoping for more years to come. Also my GT is Shinypotatoes (Link)

Originally Posted by YokingPeak46652

Once again I will reType this Question, I have had up to the eyes with the utter incompetence of the XBLteam, firstly my account was suspended due I think to what I wrote about Obama and Osama both being terrorists (what else do you call people who through force, try to have things there own way. Really who did make the USA the BOSS, or the bigger more socially accepteptable terroists. Iraq, Afganistan and now Libya). But as I cannot be sure it would be nice to only have to type this ONCE, WHY WAS MY ACCOUNT SUSPENDED? RE the ACCOUNT of - "X57ThE OpPoNeNt" - YOU will not keep me quiet as thats the job of the fascist thought police and they dont exist; also which idiots decided to lose all the older posts so as to make people RE_TYPE their questions. Seriously you ppl could not arrange getting drunk at a pub... ohhh yea let see if this passes muster as we cannot let anything thats criticizes us get posted...... PS I am A BLOKE of older years so I will not take any bull... OR I will be writiing to whom I have to, to get a result and staff appropriately dealt with.. also I read the terms and conditions of the code of conduct, and it is interpretable in many ways and is subject to the adjudicator(s) thoughts and feelings....ie who says this is or isnt suitable to get posted and what makes you so sure you are right..... (Link)

Originally Posted by SHUT UP JACK x

why has KiDx BooM x been banned plz unbann i havent done any thing wrong and my bio is a fake its a lie i only put it because i whanted to show off i dont ave a jtag
gt; KiDx BooM
plz i beg unbann i really want my xbox back you dont know how bored somewon gets when the have nothin to do after school. no need for a permenant ban (Link)

Originally Posted by SLURPEE M4N

My gamertag is SwaG x MONSTAR. Can i please have another chance ? i wont do anything bad. i just dont wanna lose my only account i have had for almost 4 years and worked so hard on. i have been crying because i am gonna have to start over.. please give me another chance enforement team! (Link)

Originally Posted by iPro xTrickShot

I am the father of a 12 yr old and. Here is what I was told by my son. He was suspended permanently from xbox. He was invited in to a game and when he tried to get out my son's account was still moded. He states he didn't mod any game and has no know how to do this. what may I do to get my son's account back? Please advise.
Nathan
my son's gamer tag is: MONST3R HackZzz
thanks for your time (Link)

Originally Posted by Soy Fresco

Yea so my account Soy Fresco got banned for No reason whats so ever im guessing because of me using cheats which i don't know what cheats i could possibly be doing and they banned me for that i think. I think someone from Microsoft joined my game in Cod5 to see if i was cheating and when they joind the game was modded so they ASSUMED it was me cause like Microsoft they just want people to play fair which i agree but they should of checked if i was actually the one modding the game not the real person modding the game!!!!!!!!! So i just wanted someone to respond to which why i am banned for life and if they could just lift the banned to just a month suspension! So they could see that i cant mod and never will mod!!P.S. If you want to know why im posting this on my account is because people all over youtube found a glitch and if you check youtube you can see how they do it and just search on youtube--How to unbanned Xbox live account and you will see what they do so you cant try to fix it! So please send me a messag to my new gamertag which is "ABS66" or reply on this post!!!!! Thank you and have a good day!!! (Link)